Race Report – An Alternate View of Hansa Fish 2014 by Chris Rowe

An Alternate and humorous VIEW of the Hansa Fish 2014 from an ex pommie now Boksburgian!!

Lion Lager Fish Marathon

Ja Boet, dit was eintlik die Hansa Fish Marathon, maar die sponsor SAB het
besluit om ons weer Lion Lager te gee. True my broer, you could buy Lion
Lager at Macro soos in die ou dae, ons het ‘n paar kaste Lions lekker
uitgedrink, ons het lus geword, toe droog dit op, daars nie meer Lions nie.
To the Chief Honcho of SAB, I would like to give you a message from all the
okes I know on the East Rand: Give Us Our Lion Lager Back Again ! Waar kom
hierdie snaakse bier vandaan, hierdie vlie”ende bier met lemoensap in ? Ons
drink nie sulke goed nie. Maar ja back to the race (but thanks for the
sponsorship SAB without you we wouldn’t manage to do it ek se’, ons sou net
nugter gewees het).
Ja Swaer, the pilgramage to the Fish you have to do each year, up here from
the East Rand (Gauteng is part of the East Rand) we drive N1 Bloem. There
is a fantastic petrol station other side of Bloem, dis die enigste
petrolstasie in die hele land met ‘n drank lesensie, true my broer. Jy goei
petrol, jy stap in die Qwikshop, die bargirl het petroljokkie se univorm
aan, “Middag my Lanie , rum en coke of brandy en coke ?” We had ‘n dop en
‘n chow there. Plek se naam is Tom’s Place. Maar ja, back to the race.
The East Rand okes stayed at Marlow/Wolram Voluit skool. The start on
Grassridge Dam was a paddle not a portage soos laas jaar, double trouble
het baie bote ge-eis een van ons K3’s, hulle het gepatch. Rapids en bome
tot by Keiths, chaos at Keiths, verder af toe begin die kak, jy sien elke
jaar roei-ers wat swem, bote wat breek, spane wat wegspoel, jy aanvaar dit,
toe gebeur dit met ons. Swem, teen ‘n boom vasgedruk, partner onder die
water, vasgepen amper verdrink, spoorsny deur die bos om alles en almal
weer bymekaar te kry. Gesien K3 en K2 gesmesh by die selfde plek, vyf
roei-ers moes uitloop. Ons het darem uitgeroei. Dinge gebeur, so waai die
wind. The rest of the ERKies went lekker, the mixed K3 (some debate about
paddling and pomping gelyktydig), the great grandmaster K3, two father and
son K2’s, a first time K2, and two K1’s, that was our club, mooi man ek
se’.
The party was awesome ek se’, two bands: Gangs of Ballerinas, Short Straws,
and then a DJ for the clubheads and the old bullets who for got to go home.
No disrespect to our greatmaster K3, one of these paddlers was Jock, an old
jawler, his two partners in the guest house lay on their beds with books
then fell asleep in the afternoon, then they have two beers and go to bed.
Jock came to the campsite with us, said he had to escape the old age home,
went to the party with us, we all drank lank beers, we left in the early
hours, not Jock and company, they went to Kommetjie Klub, to carry on ek
se’. The old age home woke up at 5 am to go home (they must have had about
10 hours sleep anyway), Jock is not back yet, so they phone the club
chairman who is dossing in the Marlow hostel.
Ag ja Boet, dit was eintlik ‘n moerse jawl, ‘n ou moet dit nie misloop nie,
dit kan net lekker wees, jy mis jou missus by die huis, en die ou honde, en
hulle mis vir jou, jy word lucky die aand dat jy by die huis kom.
Fish River Canoe Club, and SAB Hansa, you run the best canoe race on the
South African Calander. Thank you !